Stop Being Busy: 10 Ways You are Causing Busyness
Want to gain some insight on how to hack being busy? In this post, you’ll learn ten underlying reasons for being busy, which will help you take a step towards creating a more balanced and fulfilling life.
But First, What is Busyness?
Busyness is subjective. My definition of what being busy is might be very different than yours. Busyness is your perceived experience of the density of activities you undertake within a given day, week, month, or year. The cumulative impact of all of these activities can certainly take a toll. Busyness researcher Jonathan Gershuny (2005) explains that the feeling of being busy expands beyond the workplace to include leisure activities as well. So feeling busy at work will likely spill over into feeling busy at home and vice versa.
When we experience a sense of being overwhelmed, like when we are feeling swamped, it’s easy to assume that this is happening to us instead of identifying what’s happening within us that is perpetuating our sense of busyness. It is difficult to accept that being busy (or not busy) is primarily within our control. It’s easy to assume that external factors are solely keeping you busy (your boss, your spouse, etc.). Still, when you begin to peel back the layers, most of us find something internal to us that might also perpetuate the busyness in our lives.
10 Ways You Might Be Perpetuating Busyness
Let’s take a moment to reflect on some of the patterns contributing to your sense of being too busy. Please be kind to yourself if you find yourself represented in any of these patterns. Showing yourself empathy will help you to move towards action in a way that enables you to break free of the busyness trap.
1. Distraction from Big Feelings
When I sit quietly without any distractions, what emotions arise? Am I distracting myself from these emotions by creating more to do?
When experiencing strong emotions, seeking distraction as a form of coping is common. Take some time to identify the feelings you are experiencing and give yourself the space to process through them. Seeking therapy, talking to a trusted friend or family member, or journaling about your feelings can support processing these emotions.
2. Procrastination
Are there tasks I am avoiding, and am I opting to do other tasks instead as a form of procrastination?
When we lack confidence or ease in completing a specific task, we turn to other activities instead. If this is happening to you, show yourself some grace. Give yourself some quiet time to reflect, clearly identifying the specific tasks you are avoiding. Next, ask yourself what resources or support you need to complete these tasks. Finally, identify one action you can commit to that will help move these tasks forward, setting a deadline and identifying how you’ll hold yourself accountable. Rinse and repeat until the thing you’re procrastinating about is complete.
3. Boundary Challenges
Have I permitted myself to say no to others asking me to do more work when I don’t have the capacity? Is there work I’m taking on that no one has asked of me and doesn’t serve me or another I care for?
Research suggests that personality-specific variables lead to other-generated busyness, which may emerge in those who are more agreeable or conscientious because they are more likely to take on additional tasks (Festini et al., 2019). It can be hard to say no to someone, especially if it’s someone you care for. Sometimes, we even create work by taking on tasks that another has not requested or that don’t serve us. If you see yourself as someone who would benefit from strengthening your boundaries, many resources and supports are available (books, online resources, and psychological services). However, slowing yourself down and asking yourself if you want to do x, y, or z, then honoring your truthful response, is an excellent first step to strengthening boundaries.
4. Prioritization Challenges
Am I clear on what my priorities are? If yes, how have I aligned my priorities with the activities/work I take on?
When we have yet to clarify our priorities, it makes it challenging to manage our time, and we might take on more than we can truly tolerate. Taking the time to consider your priorities for this season of your life, and even taking the time to outline your priorities for each day, will help you to be more laser-focused on the tasks and activities that bring you closer to your goals and life aspirations.
5. Unreasonable Expectations
Do I have reasonable expectations of what I can accomplish within a day, week, month, etc.
Accomplishing a task feels so good that it can be easy to fall into a pattern of trying to achieve more than is possible on a given day. Being realistic about the time commitment needed for specific activities is critical for setting more reasonable expectations. Sometimes, these unreasonable expectations are rooted in self-worth challenges or concerns about image or social status - so read on for more you can do to build healthier expectations for yourself.
6. Self-worth Challenges
Do I feel like I’m not worthy of a life that is reasonably paced? Do I pressure myself to do more to prove my worth to myself or others?
Many feel that their worth depends on factors like how much they produce, how busy they are, or how successful they are. Taking on more tasks or having more work to achieve something you believe will make you feel worthy is a trap. Your worth exists regardless of what you produce, your success, or your achievements. The feeling of unworthiness can go so deep that one doesn’t even allow oneself to rest because they don’t believe they are worthy of rest. Take a moment to reflect on whether your worth is tied to your busyness. If so, it might be time to challenge your negative beliefs about yourself. You are worthy of a full life!
Need some help addressing your feelings of low self-worth? Therapy is an excellent inlet for examining where these feelings of self-worth began and working on reprogramming those beliefs to reflect a healthier, more authentic version of you.
7. Concerns about Image or Social Status
Do I worry that others will think I’m lazy if I slow down and rest? Am I pressuring myself to do more because I’m worried about what others think of me?
We are social beings who make sense of who we are by relating to others. As such, it is easy to begin to care deeply about what others think of us and to pursue social status to feel secure. Gershuny (2005) argues that in modern society, busyness signals high status, likely leading to long and busy hours in pursuit of social status. With the social pressures around us, it can be hard to challenge the status quo and question whether these norms around being very busy are healthy. If you have internalized these messages, consider that there might be a different path for you. Of course, only you know what it means to live your best life, and it will take reflection and continued attention to develop awareness and skills to cultivate the kind of life you most want to live.
8. Modeling and Messages in Early Childhood
Was busyness modeled by my primary caregivers growing up? If so, what were the messages I received about what it means to be busy?
Our primary caregivers play a critical role in forming the patterns we engage in throughout our lifetime. Consider the implicit or explicit messages your caregivers communicated through their words or actions about what it means to be busy. Busyness may have been rewarded in your home because it demonstrated a desire for achievement. Or perhaps your parents avoided interacting with the challenges they faced as a couple by being busy. Or maybe you watched your parents maintain hectic schedules, communicating that this is a typical and expected way to live. It is natural to internalize your caregivers' modeling and messages and continue to ascribe to them into adulthood. Understanding the origin of your patterns and how they link back to modeling and messaging from your parents will help you uncover how to shift your patterns and be authentic to you at your core.
9. Attachment to Technology
What role does technology play in my busyness? If I limited my use of specific technology, would it free up more time to invest in other priorities?
Being too attached to technology or our devices can create busyness. We’ve all likely experienced a social media coma when we stop scrolling only to find that we’ve been captivated by the screen for much longer than we had realized. Technology can be helpful to us and holds the potential to save some time if used intentionally. Consider tracking your use of technology, including how much time you spend engaging in specific kinds of technology and how productive you feel utilizing these technologies. This exercise might give you valuable insights into where you can streamline your use of technology to reduce the sense of being too busy.
10. Other Patterns
When I think about slowing down and not being so busy, what comes up for me? Does this give me any insight into what is driving my busyness?
The patterns above are not an exhaustive list. If you’re still struggling to identify the patterns you are experiencing, spend some time reflecting on this topic to deepen your understanding. Notice your self-talk around being busy (or resting); this might reveal what’s under the surface. You might also consider reflecting on these additional factors that can contribute to busyness: gender role stereotypes, mental health, job satisfaction, or attitudinal tendencies.
Let’s Bust Busyness
While you cannot control all the variables that cause you to be busy, many are within your control. Raising awareness of the patterns that perpetuate your sense of busyness is a critical first step to shifting your experience. Once you’ve identified what might be perpetuating your busy feelings, consider the internal and external resources and support you can rely on to shift your pattern into a more facilitative one. You have what it takes to make the change. Together, we’re going to bust busyness.
ABOUT ME
Hello! I’m Dr. Karen, a psychologist specializing in supporting leaders to care for their mental health and improve their heart-centered leadership through a journey of self-discovery in therapy. I write blog posts like this to indulge my passion for writing and provide information to those interested in self-development. This blog is for information purposes only and is not a form of or replacement for psychological service or treatment. If you live in Oregon and are interested in working with me, please consider checking out my website to learn more about me and my services.
References
Festini, S. B., Hertzog, C., McDonough, I. M., & Park, D. C. (2019). What Makes Us Busy? Predictors of Perceived Busyness Across the Adult Lifespan. The Journal of General Psychology, 146(2), 111. https://doi.org/10.1080/00221309.2018.1540396
Gershuny J (2005). Busyness is the badge of honor for the new superordinate working class. Social Research, 72(2), 287–314.
